The Bird of Noynoy

Image from pinayla.blogspot.com
 

I'm an electorate ignorant. Not that it's something to brag about. Or that it's bad. But that time has now past and it's time for change. Change for the benefit of the nation. The problematic republic needs my help for it to function better and get rid of its dirt. Time for me to start the change I need. And these candidates running for the 2010 Philippine elections should be assessed if they're really the right fit for our beloved country. And that's the easiest task since all you need to know about candidates is all in the ads you see around you. There's no way you can't know presidents by their facebook pages.

The worst bet you have right now, especially if you're into animal rights, particularly the rights of birds, is Noynoy Aquino. He's good to look at, I know; all that yellow just makes my day shine, like hair oil. But do we really need a president who uses animal skin to make, (thinking about it just makes me shriek, but one has to.....) ribbons (see logo ribbon above) ? How dare he and his minions fool us that we're okay with using dove skin as symbol for hope! Does he think the nation is too jaded we couldn't even mind skinning doves like they're sheep (no offense to sheep, and shepherds)? I mean, look at him (see him above) pensive and all innocent about the atrocities he's starting even before he's elected. Observe that stare; he's probably all like, "hmm..doves have no rights, let's skin them...that's edgy, and liberal, no one's fighting for them, it's not like I'm going to hurt anyone if I punch doves in the head and let my friends skin them and have then taken for photo op...no, wait; it should be yellow; hope is yellow..let's kill doves, soak them in yellow tint and have them photo-opped; no photoshopping, that's bad image; corruption's done, change's the new market..".

It's not that I'm judging this guy, but this guy's all wrong; birds have rights. They can be good pets and it's wrong to make them into ribbons. I will not vote for a president who skins doves for ribbons.

Now that I'm a changed man who wants change and change is all that we need to make doves live, I should have no problems telling you that ERAP and GIBO are the really best options. I mean, what kind of person doesn't want to vote for someone rich and has more wives than there is semen in a spoon and really cunning and machismo-cool enough to be one of the select GOD-chosen few who got the most coveted record of being convicted in public office? Who doesn't want to have as president a charming cuddly and so tender-looking fat alcoholic sex-machine who clearly has all the sympathy of the poor and really is all honest and really for the poor and competent despite footages of him in casinos in office hours (don't be judgmental-we all need some break, even while at work, I'm not being a hypocrite or anything, and GOD knows that) and will probably get our economy screwed up again (in a good way; it doesn't even matter; GOD provides, and honestly, who gives a fig about economics? Academe's no better than us; they've just no social life, unlike us who party so much,we can't even remember the names we're partying with and we don't even care because we're too cool to care, friends don't care). Frankly, I like cool people and ERAP is cool personalized.

If coolness is too cool for you, well there's ultra cool thing you could do: kill. And that's the best thing I like with GIBO. Such bravado. Such utter awesomeness. I mean, it's not like the nation cares if, say, you bulldoze a truckload of killed writers, is it? Frankly, we don't give a damn. We're too cool for that and too busy to care for anything more than the plight of doves.